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Jiwa

Dia melompat bebas, terbang ke segala penjuru seakan tiada ruang yang tak tersentuh oleh terangnya. Walau tanpa sayap sinar yang terpancar dari dirinya begitu damai dan indah, seperti halnya bilyaran sinar lain yang serupa dengannya disekelilingnya. Bahkan musik tercantik didunia pun tak bisa mengiringi megah tariannya. Dia riang, tanpa kenangan, tanpa siksaan, tanpa jalan, tanpa nafsu, tanpa ambisi, tanpa nama, tanpa gelar.

Dia dan beberapa sinar yang lain membumbung tinggi dan bergerak ke tempat lain, tempat dimana dia dan sinar yang lain belum pernah singgahi. Paras yang tenang dan bijaksana bercakap cakap dengan dia dan tidak lama kemudian dia dan sinar yang lain diutuslah untuk menempati rumah yang baru. Rumah itu pun hidup dan dia ada didalamnya. Rumah itu berkembang dan bertumbuh dan kemudian rumah itu dilahirkan di dunia.

Dia tetap melompat namun tak bebas, dia tak bisa keluar dari rumahnya. Sebab jika dia melompat meninggalkan rumah sebelum waktunya rumah itu akan mati dan dia tak bisa pulang kembali ketempat dimana sinar yang lain menunggunya. Dia berjumpa dengan sinar lain di rumah itu, namun tak seperti jenisnya, sinar ini angkuh, punya nafsu, punya keinginian. Dia dan sinar itu beriringan bersama waktu dan mereka menjadi sepasang sahabat yang elok.

Dia hidup 28 tahun di rumah itu. Dan beberapa tahun terakhir di rumah itu adalah tahun yang sangat buruk yang dialaminya. Selama tinggal di rumah, dia sering dikhianati oleh sahabatnya, dia lebih sering mengalah, dia dibungkam, dia dipaksa padam saat sinar lain ingin bersinar lebih terang dan dominan di rumah itu. Dia tidak tahu lagi sampai kapan dia harus tinggal dirumah itu. Namun satu hal yang dia ingat adalah pesan yang diberikan kepadanya sebelum dia tinggal didalam rumah itu dan sebelum dia datang ke dunia. Dia tersenyum, dan dengan harapan yang tanpa putus di sela tangisan pilu di hari harinya, dia tetap berharap bahwa di lain hari dia akan membuat rumahnya lebih baik, lebih indah, dan temannya sinar itu bisa dia bujuk untuk membuat keindahan didalam rumah, bersama sama.

Dia tidak melompat lagi, namun bila saatnya dia melompat bebas lagi nanti. Dia ingin rumah dan sahabatnya menjadi indah seperti dia.

Piece of Me

It come the blackout, nothing more that’s your hideout
oYea you  Keep pushing fake fact about me like a fucking gibberish waiting to wipeout
Come on sissy don’t act pussy to me, take it like a man
I know you can do better, drop it harder, ohh you just typical simple stupid dicksucker
Now imma make it slower just for you so you know what the hell  I’m talking about
Here I go
Y’all gon keep telling shit about my past , take a piece of my sin than make it matters (make it maters)
Point all of bad things from higher place aim it to me like you’re an archer
But in front of me you still nothing lazy ass loser
Play you part like you’re the man, but man you’re  still a little buster
Stop bluffin’ … said to my face.. said straight to me.. I dare you punkass motherfucker
Show me what you got.. oh I forgot.. you aint got nothing sucker!
Look at you , it’s more like shit all over your face freaking disaster
Back off before i knock your head off your neck like jack the fucking ripper
When I enter the ring your life is about game over
Stop murmuring face me up, act real fighter
Yea imma sinner, but I know God will help me eliminate this joker

Fixershow ft Renat, October 2011

Renat

Cover lies

We live. We Die. But not yet die when you start to read this page. And lies, none of us now days can hide from this life style. As I inhabit the human, and we populate the crowd. Without a glance at the grinning insipidity. As you direct the militia in loving the great and proud. They’re storing abstractions of unaesthetic beauty.

As I collect the shrapnel, from smiles we have not yet won,
Stealing a glance at the faded caustic laughter,
As you undermine his conscience, as you load her first bright gun,
They’re hoarding ungainly children of grief thereafter.

As I entrench our glossolalic courage in the fight
Glancing again at the pure platonic limerence
As you fabricate autistic scripts of what is wrong and right,
They’re dwelling in truths of dysphemistic preference.

As I round up the soldiers, and we join the muddy ranks,
Looking straight in the eyes of dead reality.
As you try to fly the doctrine from rifles and run down tanks
And they start to cower beneath their past naivety.

As I know the fact and fiction, but opt instead for the horde,
Trying not to stare at the guilt and blame.
As you play a single note and tell the world that it’s a chord.
And they, unaware, build towers of ruin and shame.

And I’ll be the individual for mobs with a creed assigned
And you’ll be the noble captain grinning insipidly.
But while they are praised and honored, with consciences undermined,
They’re storing abstractions of unaesthetic beauty.

Then I’ll play the role of human, and we’ll play the part of crowd,
Closing our eyes and following captains blindly.
And you’ll teach us how to battle, and fight for the great and proud,
Ignoring the way our eyes are dark and ugly.

(now cover your lies bitch!)

Renat

High Sun

12 at day. The sun radiation becoming very beautiful in this earth. Big bright light, shiny things in this place trying to show their best look to others. Dark color begin to play different meaning on our eyes. Water playing a part to be sparkle. Plants are cooking. Animal and human print output respond for conditions on their brain. God is great with all of this scenery. His project never be not amazing.

Bad Things. High sun bring water to dry. Inviting Mr. Heat surrounding the air. The other stuff just getting hot when sun’s light look at ‘em in a long term. Burn, fire tempting to enter the show. But they always be the waiting list, like a bad basketball player who sitting on bench wishing for magic moment.

Good Things. Human smiling, because they can see everything more clearly, reflection projecting the best picture of all time. Energy gather around, they been kind, they provide another life to creatures.
And wind start to move, pushing the heat out of their territory. Dead things can’t be much happier, cold left their side. Inspiration, Imagination, Creation rule every corner of the corner’s corner.

This human start to smile and being silly.
🙂
🙂
🙂
🙂

For 479 toefl score.

High Sun. High!

finger nail smile

I said.. what the deal.

And is of

And I break it again

Because I learn it from the best liar around… You!

So .. its far from over

The heat of broken wood still blown under my hood

And I am not stop

And I am not quit

FOR

EVER!!

*my middle finger still stick up for all of y’all haters!

Down

and died for you I no longer cry for you
No more pain bitch you
Took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet
Into the dirt I can no longer stand it
Now my respect I demand it
Imma take control of this relationship
Command it, and imma be the boss of you now goddamnit
And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me
So you better hear me out this much you owe me
I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while I’ve stayed
Paved for all the way this is how I fucking get repaid
Look at how I dress fucking baggy sweats, go to work a mess
Always in a rush to get back to you I aint heard you yet
Not even once say you apreciate me I deserve respect
I’ve done my best to give you nothing less than perfectness
And I know that if I end this I’ll no longer have nothing left
But you keep treating me like a staircase it’s time to fucking step
And I wont be coming back so don’t hold your fucking breath
You know what you’ve done no need to go in depth
I told you, you’d be sorry if I fucking left
I’d laugh while you wept
Hows it feel now, yeah, funny aint it, you neglected me
Did me a favor although my spirit free you’ve said
But a special place for you in my heart I have kept
It’s unfortunate but its….

unfair.

God Help me

Today, still a busta for me. God, lead me the way.. to victory, aint no disregard no more, so I can hold ma vie on my lap again. God.. I believe in your name, I will get through this. God… the pain inside that I feel right not, just come back from no where. God.. you are my savior, you are my weapons supplier.. Help me.

Asuuuu… modar’o wae!

Bajingan to kwe nat!
pekok … goblok! asuuu tenan kwi ki
urip kakaean drama!! sok emosinan!
cemburunan! ra pentingg
sok ngatur2… padahal leda lede!!
LOGHOK kwe ki!!!
Matio waee…
Koe nelongso wong sing di tangisi yo ra ngopo2!!
PEKOK tenan kowe ki!!
ra iso ngontrol masa depan mu dewe!!!
ra iso di andalke….. kowe ki opo ….. MODAR’O WAEEEEE SU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sing it for me.

Ketika mimpimu yg begitu indah,
tak pernah terwujud..ya sudahlah
Saat kau berlari mengejar anganmu,
dan tak pernah sampai..ya sudahlah

Apapun yg terjadi, ku kan slalu ada untukmu
Janganlah kau bersedih..coz everything’s gonna be OKAY

yo..Satu dari sekian kemungkinan
kau jatuh tanpa ada harapan
saat itu raga kupersembahkan
bersama jiwa, cita,cinta dan harapan

Kita sambung satu persatu sebab akibat
tapi tenanglah mata hati kita kan lihat
menuntun ke arah mata angin bahagia
kau dan aku tahu,jalan selalu ada

juga ku tahu lagi problema kan terus menerjang
bagai deras ombak yang menabrak karang
namun ku tahu..ku tahu kau mampu tuk tetap tenang
hadapi ini bersamaku hingga ajal datang

Sempat kau berharap keramahan cinta,
tak pernah kau dapat..ya sudahlah
yeeah..dengar ku bernyanyi..lalalalalala
heyyeye yaya dedudedadedudedudidam..semua ini belum berakhir

Apapun yg terjadi, ku kan slalu ada untukmu
Janganlah kau bersedih..coz everything’s gonna be OKAY

satukan langkah..langkah yg beriring!
genggam hati, rangkul emosi!

Genggamlah hatiku, satukan langkah kita

Sama rasa, tanpa pamrih
ini cinta..across da sea

peluklah diriku..terbanglah bersamaku, melayang jauh.. (come fly with me, baby)

Ini aku dari ujung rambut menyusur jemari
sosok ini yg menerima kelemahan hati
yea..aku cinta kau..(ini cinta kita)
cukup satu waktu yes.(untuk satu cinta)

satu cinta ini akan tuntun jalanku
rapatkan jiwamu yo tenang disisiku
rebahkan rasamu..untuk yg ditunggu
BAHAGIA..HINGGA UJUNG WAKTU..

Apapun yg terjadi, ku kan slalu ada untukmu
Janganlah kau bersedih..coz everything’s gonna be OKAY

Little Kid

Tonight, im just typing black fonts to a big space of white page. You know, when you are losing in this life, you feel the whole world look down on you. Then we have to stand up, smile, tell everyone else that we’re okay, walking tall like we ready to the next fight. I lost my mind, lost my gurl. But all of this gone wrong because of me. I do a lot of stupid things, and the most stupid is.. I really feel that im not the only one who made this mess happen. I still feel that I’m a victim, victim of lie, victim of ego, and victim of social. I just feel that way, even I know I do wrong, I still believe that my fault is not a big full of lie. I have to move on, but I can, how come I could say that I’m a Man.

Im really scare, because after 2003, everything always gone wrong, even if I try not to make it wrong. I love my mom and ma vie. And I need they to love me back…

I guess.. I’m just a little kid in a 27 years old man body.